My Heart that is Gone
by Wendy402
Summary: Natsume was distancing himself from Mikan for the past year and a half, cheating with another girl. Mikan couldn't help but choose the easiest path to relieve the pain. 'Mikan slowly laid down on her already soaked bed, closing her eyes and a tear fell slowly and delicately down her cheek, dropping onto her soft pillow. Mikan Sakura was dead.' One-shot NXM


**Yay! A sad one-shot because I've been reading some depressing fics these days...they're just so heartbreaking...So I decided to write one myself! :D Enjoy!**

**Caution: Contains hints of sex and rape**

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><p><em>It has been 3 years since we started dating.<em>

_It has been 2 years since he met Luna._

_It has been a year and a half since he started ignoring me._

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><p>Mikan Sakura stared at her phone blankly. Natsume Hyuuga's phone number was on her screen, but she was pondering whether she should press the call button or not.<p>

"Mikan? Mikan! Oi! Earth to Mikan?" Mikan snapped out of her trance and stared at her group of friends. Anna was waving a hand frantically in front of her face.

"I-I'm sorry...I just kinda..." She laughed sheepishly before giving up.

"Is Hyuuga ignoring you again?" Hotaru asked with the same coldness as she read her magazine. Anna and Nono shot her a warning glare.

"Well it's just that...he never calls me anymore..." Mikan sighed for the millionth time that day.

"I'm sure he's just busy." Nono patted her comfortingly. Mikan only nodded and forced out a smile.

The ring of the bell was heard and all eyes fell on the new customer who just entered.

"Sorry I'm late." Sumire apologized as she took her seat next to Mikan. The three girls gave her a smile and waved it off, while Hotaru stayed as indifferent as ever.

"Anyways, I think it's about time you went to visit that boyfriend of yours." Sumire never changed, still so honest and straightforward, getting straight to the point.

"How?" Mikan asked dumbly, staring at the emerald haired girl who was busy staring at her manicured nails.

"Step one is to call him. If he hangs up or only says, 'I'm busy,' then might as well go and visit him." Sumire spoke confidently, after all, she was the most experienced in their small group on the topic of males.

Mikan nodded slowly and thought it over. She was always afraid of calling Natsume because she was worried she would interrupt his work, but call once in a while won't hurt, right?

"I'll do that when I go home." She announced before hugging her friend.

"Thanks, Permy." Said girl huffed and flicked her perfectly permed hair.

"For the nth time, don't call me 'Permy.' If you're really thankful then you're paying for my lunch." Sumire scanned through the menu and eyed the brunette.

"Deal?" Mikan nodded happily before scanning the menu as well.

"Deal. I'll treat everyone today."

* * *

><p>Mikan walked into her little apartment with a grin on her face. She dropped onto the sofa with a 'thud' before taking her phone out.<p>

Her smile instantly disappeared. Was calling him really the right choice? Why was there a nagging feeling that something bad would happen?

Before she could do anything, her phone started ringing. Jumping from the sudden ring, she almost dropped her phone.

"Hello?" The sound of her ringtone was especially reserved for her friends, so all hope of it being Natsume was gone.

_"Hey."_ Mikan sighed in relief.

"Permy! What perfect timing." Mikan exclaimed as she walked over to her refrigerator to get something to drink, her phone sandwiched between her ear and her shoulder.

_"I know. I always have _the_ best timing."_ She couldn't help but roll her eyes at her friend who was obviously bragging.

_"So, did you call him yet?"_ Mikan almost choked on her apple juice.

"No. Not yet." She could totally imagine Sumire rolling her eyes and maybe face-palming.

_"Seriously? It's been like, what? A whole hour!"_ Sumire exclaimed over the phone. Mikan unconsciously nodded her head at her friend, only to remember she was over the phone.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll hang up and call him, 'kay?" She heard Sumire grumble.

_"Fine. But call me afterwards, okay? If you're gonna barge in on him, I wanna be there." _Mikan grinned thankfully at her before saying goodbye and hanging up. Not even a second later, Hotaru sent her a message.

_To: Mikan Sakura_

_From: Hotaru Imai_

_Baka, don't stress yourself._

Mikan stared at her phone, smiling like an idiot. It's truly wonderful to have great friends. She took a deep breath, clutching her phone tighter. Her hands started to sweat and her heart pounded ridiculously fast, before her fingers typed in Natsume's phone number.

_Ring, ring, ring_

Mikan almost dropped her phone, her hands were shaking so bad though she chanted continuously that it was only normal for a girlfriend to call her boyfriend once in a while.

_Ring, ring, ring_

After the sixth ring, Mikan's ear was starting to hurt from hearing the same thing over and over again. She bet that if she hang up now, she would still be able to hear the ringing echoing in her mind.

_Ring, ring, ri—_

_"Hello?" _His voice was so smooth and rich that Mikan almost sobbed from hearing it after so long. It was obvious by his tone that he didn't check the caller ID or perhaps—oh, please don't let this be true—he had deleted her contact.

"N-Natsume?" Her voice was soft and weak, almost choked out. There was a pause on the other line, before she heard some muffled voices.

_"Mikan."_ He replied, his tone changed and it became a little edgier. There was another pause as he waited for her to explain herself. Oh crap, what was she supposed to say now?

"A-Am I interrupting something?" She quickly said. "A meeting or something?"

Natsume scoffed on the other end.

_"Damn right you're interrupting."_ He grumbled quietly but she caught it anyways, her heart tearing a little. There were muffled voices again.

"I'm sorry..." She whispered over the phone, tucking her legs to her chest and resting her chin on her knee.

_"Anyways, why are you calling?" _He asked coldly, goosebumps crawling on her skin.

"I-I just thought that we haven't spent much time together and all..." Mikan whispered. She was so scared to talk to him, how did it end up like this? They used to be so happy, so sweet. How did it end up like this?

_"I'm busy."_ He answered dryly before she heard more muffled voices.

_"I need to go."_ He told her before hanging up shortly. Tears were brimming her eyes now as she tried to keep the sob in. Her fingers flew over the numbers and instantly Sumire's number was on her screen.

_"So, how did it go?" _Sumire asked with curiosity lacing her voice.

"Horrible." Mikan bawled as she clutched the phone to her ear like it was the only thing keeping her alive.

_"What happened!?" _Sumire was fully alert now, her cat-dog instincts kicking in. Mikan told her everything, and cried more. When she was done, she felt much better, like a giant boulder was lifted off her shoulders.

_"That son of a..." _Sumire swore. After a while Mikan finally calmed down wiped her eyes clean with her sweater sleeves.

"Now what?" She hiccuped.

_"Exactly what I said before. Barge in on him." _Sumire sounded like she was ready to kill someone, and when she feels like _killing _someone, she _literally_ beats them up.

"B-But..." Mikan sniffed.

_"But what!? Ugh, hurting you like that is just so _heartless! _If I don't give him a piece of my mind, I'm not called Sumire Shoda!" _She continued yelling over the phone, and Mikan found herself nodding along with her friend.

If he wasn't going to talk to her by phone, he'll have to talk to her in person.

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><p>Natsume sighed as he sat back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose.<p>

"Was it her again?" A beautiful women with shoulder-length strawberry blonde hair and enchanting azure eyes asked as a smile tugged on her red lips.

"Yeah." He muttered before giving her a tired smile.

Luna Koizumi gave him a sly grin before sauntering towards him, swaying her hips delicately.

"Let me help you release some of that stress, hm?" She asked innocently as she made her way onto his lap and gave him an openmouthed kiss.

Natsume's body adjusted to hers and closed his eyes, responding to her lustful kiss.

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><p>"W-Wait!" Mikan screamed as she tried to pull back her hand, which Sumire was holding onto tightly and dragged her to the direction of Natsume Hyuuga's company.<p>

"What!?" She snapped back at the brunette and let go of her hand.

"I...On second thought, I don't really think this is a good idea..." Mikan muttered as she glanced back on the route they came from. Sumire hissed.

"Are you _backing out?" _Sumire itched to slap the useless girl.

"B-But!" She countered back as she took a step backwards.

"But what? You're going there no matter what! You _have _to go to talk to him, or else he'll think he can do whatever he wants to you." Sumire crossed her arms and sighed.

"Fine. We'll go home, pretend this never happened, pretend that everything between you and Natsume are fine and happy. You're choice." Sumire stared at Mikan who had her head down.

"Alright. Let's go." Mikan whispered before taking Sumire's hand and heading straight to Natsume's office.

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><p>Natsume groaned as Luna continued to kiss him, licking his lips and tracing her hands over his toned chest.<p>

She grinned triumphantly at his reaction. She was just about to take his shirt off when the door slammed open.

Both jumped and quickly fixed themselves so they looked presentable.

"I'm sorry Hyuuga-san, they just barged in—"

"It's alright." Natsume waved his secretary off as he glared at the two females that intruded his office.

"What are you doing here?" His voice was cold and hard as he continued to stare at them. Sumire was at lost for words.

"You—What— Why are _we _here!? Well, FYI, we're here to tell you that Mikan has been depressed and lonely for the last year and a half and I was just wondering if that _boyfriend_ of hers knew about it!" She glared at Natsume then at Luna.

"But it seems like he doesn't." She stuck her tongue out at them.

"Actually, I think we went to the wrong room. I don't see no _boyfriend_ in _this_ room." Sumire huffed angrily and flicked her hair.

"Sorry for intruding your little _make-out session,_ bastard!"

"You little!" Luna screeched and stomped over, attempting to slap her but was stopped by a small hand.

All eyes fell on Mikan, who looked as blank as ice. She forced Luna's hand down before letting go, and just stared at her, then at Natsume.

Her expression changed from blank, to surprise, to disbelief, to anger, to disappointment.

"I-I never thought that...I never thought that you would _cheat!" _Mikan screamed loudly, her voice a pitch higher than usual as she stared at Natsume, waiting for an explanation, but none came. Only silence.

Mikan covered her mouth with her palm, biting her tongue and holding in the line of curses and bawls before running out the door, Sumire following closely.

* * *

><p>She was crying. She. Was. Crying. Mikan was <em>crying.<em>

Shit, what had he done now? Yes he loved her, yes he cared for her and yes, despite that, he had cheated on her.

Why? He never even knew.

He was just at a bar for a small outing with his clients once and met this girl, a beautiful women who seemed to know exactly what he was thinking and feeling.

Mikan was a little too much for him then, and he only used her to get some stress off him. It was only supposed to be a one-night stand, really.

But then the very next day he saw her in his office and found out that she was new and now working under him. He honestly only meant to talk to her as a friend, to get to know her, but then it all went wrong and they ended up in bed, _again._

She was just so_ tempting. _He never even had sex with Mikan before, but he found it so much easier to get his way with this women, Luna, then it is with Mikan knowing that he was taking her first and breaking that innocence of hers.

Whenever he thought of that, no matter how needy he was, he would stop.

He knew he was wrong all along, but he couldn't stop. It was like an addiction, she was his drug for relieving stress.

It all came crashing down on him, suffocating him when he saw her tears and heard her voice yelling at him.

Why hadn't she slapped him? Why did she just run away? Why did she run _just like that?_

Natsume could vaguely remember Luna calling his name as he jogged out his office, not even remembering what he said to his secretary when she tried to stop him, and was out on the busy street within seconds.

He stared at the street, wondering where the two girls had went. Surely with a sobbing Mikan and a fuming Sumire they couldn't get far, right?

He followed his senses and ran to the left side, praying that this was the right way.

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><p>Mikan had already stopped crying about an hour and a half ago. She had told Sumire that she would be fine, and told her to go home first. Sumire insisted on staying with her but Mikan said she wanted some time alone to clear her head. Sumire didn't argue further.<p>

The sun was already starting to set, and Mikan decided it was about time to go home. Her steps were heavy as she made her way to her apartment. It was already coming to view when a cold hand grabbed her wrist and the other covered her mouth.

Mikan was fully alert. Whoever this person was, she obviously didn't know him, and she tried to scream, only to get it muffled by the hand.

She tried desperately to elbow him and kick him, but it seems like he was quite skilled.

"Those little tricks ain't gonna work on me." He laughed and his breath smelled like alcohol and garlic. Mikan almost puked.

He dragged her into a dark alleyway, her sweet apartment disappearing behind the tall buildings. The man threw her on the icy ground and towered above her.

"Now, now. I'll make sure you enjoy this." He cooed as his disgusting hands started to roam under her shirt. She screamed loudly and tried desperately to pull away from his touch but his other hand kept her trapped.

"Feisty, aren't we?" He grinned as he gave her pulse a long, wet lick. Her eyes widened and she tried to fight harder.

No. She instantly thought as her shirt was getting ripped open, her skirt already gone. _No. _She screamed louder, but no one came. How is it that it's about 6 in the afternoon and no one can hear her screaming?

The man kissed lower, lower, _lower. _Tears brimmed her eyes as she yelled _his_ name, begging for him to rescue her. But why would he? He didn't love her anymore, he won't be coming.

"Natsume..." She whispered as she closed her eyes, drowning out the sounds of the abominable man's lips against her skin and the sobs of herself. Drowning herself out of the feeling of his beastly touches on her.

No one would be coming to save her, she realized.

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><p>Mikan stood up shakily, her lower half ached gravely, so much she almost cried. She bit her lips and balanced herself on the wall, wincing with every step. She slowly bent down and grabbed what was left of her shirt and skirt, hastily putting them back on her broken body.<p>

She made her way home, going as fast as her body allowed her to, making sure to stay hidden.

Mikan instantly got into the shower the second she got home. Her body felt gross, and no matter how much she scrubbed, she couldn't get the feeling off of her. She could still feel the man's hands over her body, and she shivered from the thought.

Her tears were mixed with the warm water as she slid down the tiled walls, her legs tucked against her chest.

She was no longer a virgin, her innocence stolen and tainted.

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><p>Natsume couldn't find her <em>anywhere.<em> The only place left in the whole Tokyo was her home. If she was home, then she was safe. He sighed in relief as he thought of that. He tried calling her numerous times, but it always ended up with voice message.

He would go visit her tomorrow, he decided.

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><p>Mikan sat on her bed, staring blankly at nothing. Her fragile body was at the brink of breaking, like porcelain glass with a huge crack in the center.<p>

She cautiously laid down and tried to sleep, her lower half still throbbed. Minutes passed and she sat up in cold sweat. Every time she closed her eyes, she could see the man, Natsume with Luna, and finally, his cold voice boring into her.

"Why me?" She sobbed into her arms. It was so painful. So agonizing, she couldn't breath. It felt like she was about to burst, and she needed to release it _now._

So she took the easiest path.

Mikan stood up wobbly, rummaging her drawers for paper and pencils.

She silently wrote whatever came to mind, folding them up and put each of her letters into an envelope, leaving them neatly on the table.

Mikan went downstairs slowly, going to her kitchen. She sorted through her tools, finding a small blade that was deadly sharp.

Sitting back on her bed, she took a deep breath before setting the blade over her wrist. She pressed it down slowly, building up the pressure until it finally cut through her skin, then the veins underneath.

The pain from her wound felt so much better than the pain from her heart, and she concentrated on the physical pain instead.

It felt so good, like her sorrow was flowing out along with her blood. She made the gash bigger, staring at the crimson liquid and couldn't help thinking back to Natsume's beautiful crimson eyes.

She smiled lightly at the thought of him, though she didn't know why. She was started to feel a little light headed, but it wasn't enough.

She wanted more.

Mikan set the knife against the pulse on her neck, called his name one more time, just to feel it roll of her tongue, before driving it deep into her blood vessels, cutting it open.

She did this once, twice, thrice before she could no longer feel any pain, just emptiness.

Mikan slowly laid down on her already soaked bed, closing her eyes and a tear fell slowly and delicately down her cheek, dropping onto her soft pillow.

Mikan Sakura was dead.

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><p>Natsume groaned in annoyance at the persistent ringing of his phone. Finally snapping, he snatched the annoying thing up and growled.<p>

"Hello?"

"IT'S ME YOU FUCKING BASTARD." Oh. Sumire.

"What the fuck do you want from this bastard then?" He hissed, tempting to hang up.

"Do you know where Mikan is?" She asked, a little calmer, but fear and worry was obvious in her tone.

"No. How would I?" He yawned as he lazily got up.

"I tried calling her numerous times this morning but she never picked up. She's never like this!" She exclaimed.

"Then why call me? Just go to her house." He groggily made his way to the kitchen to get some water. There were some shuffling on the other end.

"Hyuuga, we _are _at her house, but she's not opening the door. We've been knocking non-stop for almost an hour now." Hotaru's calm voice spoke over the phone, but there was something else. Fear.

He was fully alert now, the Ice Queen was never _scared_ and when she was, something big must be happening.

"I'll be right there."

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><p>It was half an hour later when Natsume finally got to Mikan's apartment. Surely, Sumire and Hotaru were outside her door, Sumire pacing around like an idiot.<p>

"I'm going to knock down the door." He warned and got two nods from the girls. He braced himself and kicked the door clean down.

The trio quickly rushed into the house.

Mikan wasn't in the living room, kitchen nor the bathroom, so the only place left was her bedroom.

They opened the door only to see a gruesome sight.

Sumire almost passed out from the sight. She slumped down on the ground and covered her mouth with her hands so she wouldn't scream.

Hotaru stared at the sight, her face frozen in disbelief and then sorrow.

"Mikan? She would never..." Hotaru whispered to herself, trying to recollect her feelings.

Natsume's eyes widened at Mikan's pale and lifeless body. He gulped before stalking towards her, leaving the two girls behind.

"Mikan?" He whispered so delicately, it was like walking on the surface of ice. There was no response.

Her neck and wrists were red and covered in blood, her eyes closed by an obvious trail of tears were still evident.

"What have I done?" He muttered quietly as he ran his fingers on her gashes and running his hands through her soft hair before finally, caressing her smooth cheeks.

"What have I done!?" He screeched, covering his face with his hands, smearing some of her blood on his face, but he didn't care.

Seeing her like this, knowing it was _him_ who killed the girl he loved the most, absolutely tore him apart. It was like someone had ripped his heart out and stomped on it in front of him, then pouring salt all over his wound.

Only worse. Much, much worse than that kind of pain. It was indescribable.

"Hyuuga." He glanced up slowly at the call of his name. Hotaru had tears in her eyes, while Sumire was already bawling on the floor. They each clutched a letter in their hands, and Hotaru was offering his.

He gently took the letter and opened it, scanning through the contents.

_Dear, Natsume_

_By the time you see this, I'll probably already be gone. Worst line to start with, I know. I just wanted to tell you that I really love you, and please don't blame yourself for my death, because I know you will. I'll be honest, yes, it's true that I did this partly because of you, but also because I was raped the night after I went to your office._

Natsume's hands tightened on the paper, his eyes narrowing.

_It was so disgusting and horrid, I didn't want to remember any of it. I thought that the only way to stop the pain and the flashbacks were simply to die. It doesn't matter, I know that you can still live on without me. No one in this world can't live on without another person. I kept on calling your name when the unknown man took me, but I wonder, why didn't you come save me? I always read stories that the prince would save the princess in the most dangerous times. Were you never meant to be my prince in the first place? Natsume, I really love you. I'm sorry, and no matter how much I say to myself that you don't love me, I know that you do. Or perhaps, did. I know that the time we spent all night talking and laughing was real, the smiles you gave me were real, the jealous outbreaks of yours were also real. I know you loved me, so I died in peace._

_Thank you for everything, and I'm sorry._

_~Mikan_

Natsume didn't utter a thing as he silently slipped the paper back into the envelope and stared at Mikan.

"Rape?" He whispered, his teeth trembling. He made his way towards her, leaning down and gave her a sweet kiss.

"Maybe I should have taken you. If I had, you wouldn't die losing your innocence to someone you don't even know." His fists clutched the side of the bed so hard his knuckles turned white.

"If I had stayed by your side, none of this would have happened." Tears were flowing down his face, dripping on her porcelain skin.

"Mikan, why did you leave me?" He choked before falling on the ground. He buried his face in her lovely hair and cried, cried for the loss of the only one who held his heart.

Cried for the loss of a lovely, beautiful young women.

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><p>Hotaru called the police and they arrived shortly. The three explained what they saw and what happened on court and the judge closed the case saying it was a normal suicide.<p>

Everyone in their gang found out about her, mourning over her death, but eventually went on with their lives.

She never perished in their memories, but instead stayed as their most precious friend.

Natsume refused to take his heart back, insisting on Mikan keeping it. He vowed he would never love another, only her.

Everyone slowly got along with their everyday life and got married, had kids, and made sure that their children knew about her existence and why Uncle Natsume never had a girlfriend.

Many women had tried hitting on him, but he shook his head and rejected him in the same way he always does.

"I'm sorry, my heart is already gone."

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><p><strong>I'm so~ sorry for writing this instead of updating my other stories! I'm just too lazy :P Anyways, I'll be working on updating Frozen Secrets after this now. Please tell me how you felt on this! Did it make you cry? It surely made me want to cry when I wrote it.<strong>

**R&R Please!**


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